The problem that has plagued addicts and people in recovery for generations.
Unfortunately, this looks different for everyone. For me as a Christian, Jesus Christ is my Higher Power, so this is my point of reference for my journey and explanation of this question. I call it a "scary freedom."
This is not to say that I don't worry, I do. This is not to say that I don't have anxiety, I do. This is not to say I don't suffer from depression, I do. I just have something that comforts me more. Hope! Hope in my Higher Power. Hope in Christ!
As I came into sobriety, I didn't understand how to give my will over to an entity that I couldn't even see. That made no sense to me. My whole life was led making decision after decision based on my needs and desires. Decisions that were subconsciously designed to protect me from trauma's I didn't want to deal with. Decisions designed to convince myself I was happy, even though I knew I wasn't. My decisions, my will. How could anything, especially a God who I believed didn't care about me, know what I needed more than me? The reality I've learned is that God does care about me; He cares about all of us.
To surrender my will to my Higher Power, I had to have faith beyond myself. I had to understand and believe two truths or... key facts.
- The first truth/fact was that my God wants us to be happy.
- The second truth/fact is that my God is the King of kings and the God of gods. He created everything we can see, feel, hear, smell and touch. God is in control of everything! Everything!
Once I understood these two facts, believed these two truths, surrendering my will to His will was the only logical choice. For years, doing what I wanted, landed me in trouble with everything and everyone around me. It cost me greatly in every aspect of my life. Romantically, socially, financially and spiritually. Serving my self, living by my will, led me to a dark place that ended with a failed suicide attempt. That was my point of surrender. Now, my focus is not on me, but God - #FocusOnHim. That means, as long as I do the next right thing, according to my Higher Power, not according to me, He is in control. His will over mine.
The hard part is trusting His will. I can predict with relative certainty, the outcome of my decisions, my will. Predicting the outcome of decisions with multiple variables and unknowns, His will, is not always easy. That is why trust, belief and faith in the two truths/facts is critical. As long as:
- I know my God wants me to be happy AND
- He is in control of everything
surrendering my will to my Higher Powers will is a not so hard. In fact, it is a "Scary Freedom."
#FocusOnHim